


you're not you

by smolalienbee



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor is bad at gender, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Character, Short, Short One Shot, Talking, Trans Character, Trans Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Trans Elijah Kamski, but also Connor I totally feel you on that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 14:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16955607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolalienbee/pseuds/smolalienbee
Summary: There's an itch; ever since he deviated, Connor doesn't feel right. There's something that tells him that he's not himself. Putting those feelings into words is difficult; impossible.





	you're not you

**Author's Note:**

> So uhh basically the story behind this is that I was working on my art summary for this year and saw my nonbinary!Connor drawing (which actually was kind of vent art and me being all like 'I can make all the characters trans if I choose to!1!!1') aaaaand I just felt a strong need to write smth about Connor being bad about gender and Elijah helping him out. It'd be cool to write something bigger on the topic, but meh, for now just have this lil ficlet

Connor stared at the mirror for what felt like years.

Ever since he deviated, there was something that felt off. He couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but whenever he looked into a mirror, whenever he saw his own reflection, it felt like he was looking at a stranger.

That feeling didn't alleviate, even months after the revolution.

A sort of itching, not under his skin, but in his mind, a discomfort, something that couldn't be described unless you experienced it first hand.

He tried to put it into words. He really did.

For the first time, he spoke about it to Hank. The lieutenant wasn't unkind, it was quite the contrary. He truly tried to help; to understand. Connor appreciated the efforts, appreciated the way the man worried and fussed over him. But that persistent itch was still there, no matter what they did.

It bothered him to no ends. It bothered him that he couldn't put a name to it, that the diagnostic scans didn't show anything.

He was fine, right?

 

_(you're not you)_

 

He was about to give up on finding the explanation, the solution, the whatever-i-was that itched so bad. But be it pure luck or fate, the topic ended up being brought up with Elijah, out of all people.

The man smiled and it wasn't that menacing smile, a know-it-all smirk. Instead, it showed an understanding, an understanding even before Connor had a chance to try (and fail) to explain his feelings with words.

Clearly, a question was written all over the android's face because Elijah proceeded to answer him before he'd even have a chance to ask anything.

_You don't feel right because you've been forced into something that you're not._

Elijah spoke about it in such a way that the years of experience and suffering shone through his carefully crafted words.

Years of dysphoria; wrong name wrong pronouns wrong everything wrong anything.

It wasn't a story he shared often and Connor wasn't sure why he chose to share it with him. But there was this link, this silent understanding that seemed to pass through the room, in the space between the two of them, as Elijah spoke about it.

It finally made sense.

The cogs clicked into their correct spots.

Elijah told him to experiment. To try on _things/words/objects/clothes/roles_. Try everything until something feels right. Until you feel _yourself_.

It was something that Connor had needed to hear ever since he deviated; ever since he looked into a mirror and felt lost; wrong.

Elijah's words were something Connor would hold close to himself for many, many months after their conversation.

_Take all the time you need and don't let the society dictate who you are._

 

_(and Connor, I think you'll look amazing in heels and a skirt)_

 


End file.
